I wish all that cross my path nothing but the best even when they wish ill will towards me. I hope for the sake of their children, my friends mature that much faster & find that the only love they NEED is in the heart of those whom they’ve created. Want/need no man or woman to fulfill what should already be taken by your developing seed(s). I pray God instills Himself in your life when you look for guidance through people who are lost themselves. Bountiful gifts of patience, love and understanding that will last longer than any material possessions, everlasting love of oneself, and a firm stance in what is right and not what is popular…these I wish onto you…into your life and the lives of those you know. My only favor to ask in return is that these wishes are realized, shall be, will remain and continue to do so…
“You don’t feel like I do MORE than what a friend would?”
“Yes your fine. I’m not discounting that. You’re a good friend. And you do exceedingly more. And I appreciate that.”
A big part of me hates you because you saw how hard I was falling for you and you chose to do nothing. You let my emotions grow with no intent of returning the feeling. Now I’m sitting here assed out because I love you but you either refuse or are unable to reciprocate the emotion.
“We’re just friends, nothing else.”
A bigger part of me accepts your bullshit because of that particular emotion that you didn’t suggest I stop before things got messy. Because of the love that you saw blossoming inside of me every time you looked in my eyes, felt my touch, read my words but refused to let me know that it was growing in vain.
“Keep telling myself ‘It’s just a rough patch, we’ll get through it.’ But I’m telling myself that every other week now. I don’t know that we were made to last.”
The biggest part of me is devastated, weak, disabled even, because I’m throwing in the towel, white flags waving, I’m cashing in all my chips; DONE! I’m walking away from you because you hold on, not to the “friendship” we have, but onto the part of me that loves you. You won’t let go of the way I give to you without question, the days & nights you need companionship and my name is the only one able to part your lips. Then I find your name doing more than just crossing my mind, it lingers on my tongue as well, through deep moans and quiet screams; soon your undesirable yearning for my warmth also causes a separation of another set of lips. The way you hold onto my love without thought as to what it does to my well being has killed me so I have to save myself.
“When you’re used to the one you love giving you nothing, you’ll take anything.”
You’re my Hancock & I your Mary. Although I love you, when I’m near you, you drain me of life. Sucking my excellence, my strength & will out of me. You are my heart but now I must live without you. How can one expect me to survive without my core organ? The pain is insurmountable & my eyes just will not forgive. They are red, puffy, & the tears don’t stop no matter the time of day. My body is weak, dragging along; the lack of nourishment it endures since my realization of continuing on in a world without you, has confused my mind. All my time is allotted to my heart because they say time heals all; I need a speedy recovery. Be it written in the books on this day that love not only physically hurts, but kills. Gaze into my eyes and there will be a dark, empty shell you peer into. The will to do anything has escaped me. It left the moment I decided I was going to stop loving; when my heart tore, ripped, and yanked itself from my body and walked away without so much as a flinch.
“We fine. You making it hard when it’s not. I’m fine.”
If one is to pass by me in the streets, don’t call to me for I will not come. Do not take it personally because it is not. When one has no heart, they are cold and distant. I am unsure as to what I do now. Do I look to replace it, continue as I am; empty, or do I fight to get it back? But is it possible to own something that was never meant to be yours? Do you then settle for what you can get? Love plays a cruel hand.
“Do you think I’m good for you?”
“As a friend, yes. “
Life is sure to go on though, with or without love. So I must do the same. As broken as I am, I have to put myself back together as I have done so many times before, and will continue to do in the future.
“Whenever I see someone with their significant other, I just want to hold mine tighter, but I just end up hugging myself…he’s nowhere to be found.”
I am furious, devastated, and filled to the brim with resentment but I ask God put my being at ease. I ask, beg, that God grants me new life in the form of loving self before others. God steer me home; I am lost, scared, and stiff breezes hit the back of neck, chilling me to the bone. Still!! With concrete feet, an empty chest, and a hollow being, I strive towards better days. Where I walk on clouds, am filled again with love, and my purpose in life is apparent to all that surround me. He took the best part of me but I refused to let him have all of me. There will be bigger bangs, louder booms, and harder falls in what’s to come but I will not proceed unarmed. I’ve lost this battle, but believe I will win the war. As victor and proof of my win, I will flaunt love where everyone can see. The arm, left of my heart, my hand; third finger from the thumb, will be a symbol that I have finally won love. Not overcome it, defeat it, or captured it but possess it! Until then, the hurt is present and it reminds me every now and again with a sharp pain in my chest. But I will take this as a reminder of what I have to win, not what I lost.
“I’m willing to do anything for love even though it seems like I’ve already tried everything.”
ad·dic·tion
——the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.
My addiction is love. I can’t get enough of it. When I have it, there’s no better feeling that can overcome me. The grass is greener, the music is louder, the tastes are sweeter. I radiate in the night like the sun during an Alaskan summer; my light never dims. Stride, glide, and sway; my hips, long, powerful legs; take me to & fro his love then back again. Love is my fuel. The feeling of my skin against his, rubbing and caressing, can be felt days after contact is made. Body shudders at the thought, legs tremble, stomach flutters. Shortness of breath, the overpour of emotion, the night; it rushes me without warning & I relive a memory still in the making. Moments never last long enough. When it’s taken away from me, my world shatters…into so many little pieces. My breathing becomes strained, the minutes drag on; never-ending…five minutes feels like five hours. I shake, the tears form but never fall; torture. Concentration is less than a word for my mind is distracted by my heart’s pain. I scream, tear at my skin, pull at my hair, burrow my face in pillows filled with feathers. Yet i lift my head and I feel a sensation of being scratched hundreds of times by sharp freshly broken glass pieces. The burning is that of the fiery pain that encapsulates my soul, the anguish, the overwhelming pain in the form of a relentless and forced effort to let the tears fall; have the hurt escape my body. Staining my smooth carmel complexion, these tears are made of that and so much more. I let them cascade as I grip at the sheets in frustration but quickly loosen my hold.
It’s reminiscent of the long passionate nights we shared together; trying to endure his pain, I curl my hands inadvertently grabbing the sheets.
Any and every action I take reminds me of him only causing more sorrow. I lay motionless in the same bed whence was abundant with movement just nights before. Drained of energy, this time for different reasons, helpless I stare at the ceiling. Yet with every breath I inhale, as the oxygen flows through my veins, it feels like acid coursing through my body. I want to die. Void, empty, unfulfilled, absent. Without love, I am but a shell. It makes me; builds me up, causes my hips to move to the beat of any song. In that same breath I am able to admit that it breaks me more fiercely. The clouds aren’t grey, they’re black, the skies no longer dark but dismal. An overshadowing of the end of times. My heart doesn’t just break it shatters. And so that you know, my heart doesn’t just love, it consumes.
Briana Lynn
| — | Briana L. Spears |
“The Nicest Thing” All I know is that you’re so nice You’re the nicest thing I’ve seen I wish that we could give it a go See if we could be something I wish I was your favourite girl I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style I wish you couldn’t figure me out But you always wanna know what I was about I wish you’d hold my hand When I was upset I wish you’d never forget The look on my face when we first met I wish you had a favourite beauty spot That you loved secretly ‘Cause it was on a hidden bit That nobody else could see Basically, I wish that you loved me I wish that you needed me I wish that you knew when I said two sugars, Actually I meant three I wish that without me your heart would break I wish that without me you’d be spending the rest of your nights awake I wish that without me you couldn’t eat I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep Look, all I know is that you’re the nicest thing I’ve ever seen And I wish that we could see if we could be something Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something
SO I’VE WANTED TO SEE JUNO SINCE THE PREVIEWS OF IT CAME OUT, YET I WAS UNABLE TO FOR WHATEVER REASON(S). THAT IS, UNTIL TODAY. I ON DEMAND(ED) (I KNOW THAT’S NOT AN ACTUAL WORLD BUT WATEV) IT & ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT 1,000,000 TIMES MORE THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD. MAYBE IT WAS JUST AN EMOTIONAL DAY FOR ME, (WE HAD “CHURCH” ALL DAY IN SCHOOL IN LIGHT OF OUR NEW PREZ OF COURSE. SANG GOSPELS ALL DAY, INCLUDING A PERSONAL TEAR JERKER 4 ME - NEVER WOULD HAVE MADE IT BY MARVIN SAPP. I WAS BAWLING TO SAY THE LEAST, TOLD ALL MY FRIENDS I LOVED THEM, AND THE TEARS SEEMED TO KEEP FLOWING THROUGHOUT THE REST OF THE DAY.) I CRIED SO HARD TOWARDS THE END OF THE MOVIE. IT’S SAD HOW VANESSA AND MARK ENDED; I FELT FOR VANESSA B/C ODDLY ENOUGH I CAN UNDERSTAND WANTING A BABY (WEIRD BEING THAT I’M ONLY 18, ALTHOUGH ABOUT TO GRADUATE IN MAY, I’M STILL IN HIGH SCHOOL, AND HAVE NO TYPE OF MAN OR BOYFRIEND WHATSOEVER). TO ME BABIES MAKE THE WORLD GO ROUND & ARE THE ONLY PURELY JOYOUS THINGS, OFFERED IN & TO THIS GOD FORSAKEN WORLD SO I WAS CRUSHED WHEN MARK DECIDED 2 BAIL OUT. HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD V FROM THE START HE WASN’T FEELING THE WHOLE SITUATION BUT HEY. HE DIDN’T SO WATEV. V STILL GOT HER SON IN THE END SO YAY FOR HER. JUNO & BLEEKER, PERFECT. PERFECT IN A SENSE OF BEING ABLE TO LOVE ANOTHERS FLAWS REGARDLESS OF HOW BIG OR SMALL. ALSO, JUNO & BLEEKER WERE PERFECT IN A SENSE THAT THEY WERE ALL EACH OTHER EVER WANTED & NEEDED. W/ THAT BEING SED, IT BROUGHT ME TEARS WHEN THE WHOLE CONVERSATION ABOUT BEING W/ SOMEONE FOREVER AROSE BETWEEN JUNO & HER DAD. YOU SEARCH FOR SOMEONE “PERFECT” (IN YOUR OWN SENSE OF THE MEANING OF COUSRE) ALL YOUR LIFE BUT IT SEEMS LIKE SUCH A FAIRYTALE & AS WE ALL KNOW, FAIRYTALES ONLY EXIST IN CHILDREN’S BOOKS. SO THERE; WHAT TO DO NOW, WHO KNOWS? ANYWAYS, I CRIED B/C THE THOUGHT OF HAVING SOMEONE LOVE ME UNCONDITIONALLY IS SO FAR FETCHED, THAT ITS BECOME SOMETHING I CAN ONLY DREAM OF. IT HONESTLY SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE, & B/C I LOVE SO HARD AND SO QUICKLY, HOPE SEEMS TO DIMINISH THAT MUCH MORE EVERY TIME I DO THINK I’VE FOUND SOMEONE SPECIAL. I’M TIRED OF GOD GIVING ME PEOPLE TO LOVE. I WANT SOMEONE 2 LOVE ME…
SORRY SHE BROKE YOUR HEART THAT YOU WERE UNABLE TO SEE FROM THE START. ALTHOUGH SHE WAS FOR YOU, HER HEART MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN. EVEN WITH ALL THE LOVE YOU GAVE TO HER, IT WASN’T YOUR PRIZE TO WIN. BE ASSURED IT WILL HURT, THIS OVERWHELMING FEELING OF PAIN. JUST SLEEP EASY KNOWING SHE’S GOING THROUGH THE SAME. YOU AREN’T IN IT ALONE EVEN THOUGH IT FEELS LIKE IT NOW. PLEASE DON’T LET THIS TAKE YOU BACK 2 STEPS, YOU’RE BETTER THAN THAT; DON’T HAVE A DRUG ADDICTED REPLASE. DON’T FIND IT NECESSARY TO SUPPRESS WHAT YOU THINK YOU CAN GET RID OF BECAUSE AS SOON AS THE EFFECT WEARS OFF, YOU’LL BE BACK HERE WITH US. STILL IN PAIN WITH AN ACHING HEART, NOBODY’S EXPECTING YOU TO JUST PRESS RESTART. WE UNDERSTAND IT WILL TAKE TIME TO HEAL BECAUSE FOR HER, YOU CROSSED EVERY VALLEY AND HILL. THROUGH THE VALLEY OF DEATH, YOU’VE WALKED A THOUSAND TIMES, NOW I THINK YOU BETTER RELAX YOUR MIND. TAKE TIME AND GATHER YOUR THOUGHTS BEFORE YOU ACT IRRATIONALLY. SLOW DOWN IF YOU HAVE TO; IT’S OKAY IF YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE YOURSELF, JUST ACT CASUALLY. JUST PROMISE YOURSELF ONE THING THOUGH. NO MATTER HOW BAD IT HURTS, DON’T BE AFRAID TO CRY THOSE TEARS OUT, BECAUSE WHEN YOU DON’T YOU ALSO REFUSE TO LET THE FEAR OUT. FEAR TAKES CONTROL OF EVERYTHING AND RULES WITH AN IRON FIST. I DON’T WANT TO LOSE YOU, SO THESE FEELINGS CAN’T JUST BE DISMISSED. YOU HAVE TO PLAY YOUR CARDS AS THEY ARE DEALT, REGARDLESS OF YOUR PAST AND HOW YOU MAY HAVE FELT. YOU NEED NOT WORRY; DON’T RUSH THIS HEALING TIME, WHAT’S THE NEED TO HURRY? WRITE, SCREAM, SHOUT, RAP, JUST DON’T GO BACK, THAT WOULD BE SO WACK. THIS ISN’T STUNTING YOUR PROGRESS, BECAUSE ALTHOUGH THIS IS BULLSHIT, YOU TAKE IT, MAKE IT INTO FERTILIZER, AND GROW FROM IT. A COMFORTING WORD, OPEN ARMS, THIS PLACE FOR YOU HERE, IS WHERE YOU BELONG. MY LOVE FOR YOU IS UNCONDITIONAL AND ALTHOUGH I DON’T KNOW YOUR NAME, YOU WILL FOREVER LIVE IN MY WORLD, AS THE MOST FAMED.
-ANONYMOUS
